PhoenixGhost

2011-08-10T20:56:00.001-07:00

Distance

2005-09-17T11:12:00.000-07:00

Haven't written in awhile. Christ, so much has happened. I've gotten more comfortable with work. It's taken some work on my part, and i came to some conclusions. This is my logic. I'm not doing nonprofit work, like I want. But, at least I can do well at the job I have, and I have. My clients are some of the biggest earners in the company. I guess some of that is luck, and I'd like to think that some of it has something to do with me too. On top of that, the way it works in my head is that i'm helping the small guys too, helping the small business owners build their business. Ideally, the money they make goes back into the business, like a nonprofit, instead of in their pockets. Yeah, the content may not be the most noble, and I'm not helping children learn to read or something, but i'm learning a lot, and that is a big part of why i'm happy where I am now.
I realize its not saying much, and I haven't said anything about my dating life, which has been crazy in itself (two girls introducing themselves as Adam's ex....oy) but it is a start.

Fear

2005-08-20T10:09:00.000-07:00

Learning more and more about business every day. Went out to lunch with some coworkers, higher ups on the food chain. Little background is that one of the programmers at the place left to have a baby. This programmer, she has been at the company for more than half the time the company has been around. 7 years. So, over lunch, I hear that she had the baby about 2 weeks ago and is planning to come back at the end of this month, next week. I found it phenomenal. So soon!? I asked why she would consider coming back so soon after having the baby. There has got to be time she wants to spend with the newborn, getting to know it, etc etc. I turned to the company's legal guy to my left and asked. I got an answer
"Fear.," he said.
Fear. Wow. What a way to manage a company. Not obligation, not missing important work. Straight Fear. I pushed him to explain more. It became clear that the two other people at the table were not enjoying my prodding. Needless to say, I didn't get too far in getting an explanation. But it all fits-Why this woman who has been with the company 7 of the 10 years of the company's existence, who is known to speak as an equal/mother figure to the founder, why she has fear at work. Is it fear for her job? Maybe. Fear of getting out of touch with the programming? Sure. Fear of younger programmers picking up the slack and making her look bad? Possible. There is so much.
Fear is a great motivator. Phenomenal, in fact, from what I've seen. It's not how I would organize my company, not a management style I plan on using, but I suppose for a computer industry where jobs come and go, Fear is the way to go. When someone's dedication to a company is determined by the size of their paycheck, there needs to be other motivators, just like in the nonprofit world. But in the nonprofit world, the motivation is doing good for society in some way, shape, or form. That doesn't apply here.
It's a great Human Resources trick. Compensation plus Motivation equals work. Motivation can be positive or negative, but it still equals work. Kind of a simple conclusion to come to, but still profound to me.

Bad Business..Incentives and Compensation...

2005-08-06T18:11:00.000-07:00

Gotta say I lost track of time this week. I thought Tuesday was Monday, and Wednesday was Tuesday and Thursday was Wednesday. Pretty funny. Also got a great lesson in management, inadvertently. A lot of people are out of the office for a big convention down in Florida. There are still a few people I can ask to answer some questions about the business, but on Friday I thought I would go to the top, ask the head manager of our department, figuring she would know some specifics, so I could learn about the process and then share it with my clients--making more money for everybody, since that is the goal...the bottom line is the financial statement, pure and simple.
I wish I could post the conversation, I probably could actually, but I won't. Essentially, I asked if she knew what the marketing stragegy of one of our highest earning clients, a nice Jewish boy from England who pulls in something like 5000 to 8000 hits to our site a day. She told me to ask my direct boss, but he wasn't around, and neither were the other guys she recommended talking to. In all honesty, I wanted to pick her brain, and see what she knew. We talked about some specifics about this guy's strategy, and I asked if it counted as spam or was getting the results through Spyware, or Trojan Marketing. All in all, these three processes are not exactly on the up and up in the industry, though they do work. I was told that our company doesn't promote anything that takes over people's computers and cannot be uninstalled. I explained that a lot of spyware programs can be uninstalled, but it takes some time and effort. Kazaa is a good example of a program that loads spyware that one can uninstall. I said i read some articles in PC world about this guy and his marketing practices. She didn't seem to appreciate that.
Then, for some reason, she changes the subject and tells me that my effort points are down. We are supposed to get as close to 100 effort points a day, though I was told that at the start of my job that they really didn't matter. Effort points are earn through conversations with our clients by Instant Messaging or Phone. Emails are worth less, etc etc... Proved that wrong I guess. I explained that the reason my effort points were so low was because most of my clients were on vacation, so I had been filling the time with other things, like correcting the new French language creatives. Well, I was told that it wasn't my job to do that. I said yes, but I could either wait 2 months for it to get done, or do it right myself right there. The sooner the banners are out on the web, the sooner the company makes money and the sooner our clients make money. I also explained that I had been busy recruiting. Recruiting isn't worth anything on the weighted effort scale. Where is the incentive to recruit if we aren't going to get credit for it? Recruiting is one of the most important things in the company and you get nothing for it. Not in your weighted daily effort. Super annoying!
We talk a little more about Kazaa and their spyware setups and their trojan marketing things, and then she hits me with this in the instant message window.

She essentially says, "Well, I guess you're smarter than me."

I didn't quite know how to respond to that. I think she thought I was trying to talk down to her or something. I mean, she's my top manager, the person who is above my manager, the one who makes the final decisions about our department, and she says this stupid shit? Immature bullshit! Clearly this is very professional.
I'm trying to learn something so I can make the company more money, and not only do I get dinged for spending my time trying to make better creatives and recruiting people for the place (and not being to reflect that in the weighted work effort chart, that apparently isn't so important), but I also get dinged because I'm trying to learn more about the fucking process of making money and how the company works?! And my top boss thinks I'm talking down to her? Something is seriously fucked up. You wonder why there is such a high turnover every month and you can't get an updated phone list to save your life, because it is always changing!

Meeting people and creative life and family

2005-07-15T14:31:00.000-07:00

Meeting a lot of interesting people lately, mostly online thanks to my job.
On the other hand, I've really been catching up with my friends in my cell
phone address book. Talking to people that up until a few weeks ago, I
hadn't really spoken with at all. Funny how that works. Maybe it goes in
phases. An old colleague of mine from the Exploratorium has been updating
her blog on Friendster. I get like 4 emails a day from Friendster saying
that she's updated her blog. That crazy Mara. I suppose she is the
opposite of me, and has plenty of time to do that. Or at least the
motiviation to.
One of the people I've been talking to more frequently is Gia from the old
sandwhich kisok down by the water across from the Exploratorium. I'm glad to
still keep in touch with that group down there. It was like going to
cheers. Everything was predictable, which on some levels was comforting.
You can always count on Buddy to be bullshitting and trying to find out if
this person hooked up with that person, then cracking jokes...talking about
his (suburban) bohemian lifestyle. That is one of the things I miss from
working at the museum.
Here though I get a different sort of crowd. A week ago, I got a prank call
from one of my clients in Norway. Who prank calls people internationally!
Apparently this guy did. Nice guy, too. Had been working with him for
about a solid week. He got home from after a party and asked me what the
country code for the US was. I told him, figuring he would call me, and he
did, except instead of talking he just made a funny noise on the phone and
hung up. I chatted with him over IM a little after that, and finally he
called me back and we had a real conversation. He was a little wasted
though. That isn't an experience you get everyday.
Last week was also interesting in the fact that I actually goto do something
creative here. They recently pushed out a few of the sites in the network
in french, italian, and german. They didn't have banners, however, to
promote the sites. So the international affiliate team had to come up with
some creative banners and slogans in our respective languages that we
thought would covert traffic better. I have to say my favorite slogan was
for the alternative dating site-SENTEZ LE CUIR!. I find that so hilarious.
I am really looking forward to seeing it used on some website. I think it
will actually convert traffic-which would be cool.
Tonight I will be going to Ryan B's party down on Church Street. Should be
very cool. I'm taking Gia, the girl from the sandwhich shop with me. I
wonder how the crowd will be. In my head i'm thinking deadheads, but i have
a feeling i will be wrong. It will be interested to see Gia in this setting
though. I've only really seen her when it was either me and her, or me and
her and the crew down at the kisok. We'll see if the urban slang is busted
out here or not.
Had dinner last night with Aunt Janet, her brother and sister in law, their
son (Jay), and my dad's first cousin David and his fiancee. And of course
me and my parents too. It was a good night. We went to Xiao Loong, the
Chinese restaurant on West Portal. The food was good, but i think a little
spicy for the Midwest crew, and even some of the upstate NY crew too. It is
good to have the family together, even the relatives that we really dont
know too well. It's a warm feeling, and something that makes me feel very
privileged to have-a family like mine. Stuff like last night makes me sure how important a good
family is to me.

A learning experience

2005-06-20T20:30:00.000-07:00

I've been at the new job almost a month now. 3 weeks or so. People keep asking me, do i like it? am i happy? I'm not sure yet. I tell them that I'm learning. And I am. The differences between this place and the Exploratorium are massive. I guess it specifically the management system that bothers me. Seeing managers come down and go through people's computers (while i have been told it is within their legal rights, i still find it a little shitty), cameras. My best friend says I am making too big a deal about this.
I'd like to say it was counterproductive, but I honestly can't. The company makes a crazy amount of money and pays its employees very well. I suppose I feel that the company gives the employees more money instead of showing trust in them and showing how much they are valued as people who help make the company what it is. Do the employees feel valued? I'm sure some d0. Do they feel trusted? That I doubt.
I've had to do a lot of thinking lately about my thesis for USF. At first, my thesis weighed heavy on the sociological side. How X affected Y. There really was no business aspect of the title. Big deal! Y changes as a result of X. How can a person in the working world use it to help their business. I came up with an awsome topic though, after a lot of disucssion with Mike Cortes and Prof. Michael O'Neill. The tentative topic is "The changing strategies in Membership Acquisition Practices in Bay Area synagogues over the past 10 years." It feels good writing it for the first time. I hope I'm saying that when I'm 65 pages into it.
With my mind being on that train of thought, i wondered about my current company's hiring practices, and employee retention. The turnover rate there is very high. I have heard jokes about a revolving door, but from what I've heard and seen, there is some truth to that. Someone told me that in a company with such "corrupting" content, the management needs to take precautions because once something "corrupt" is done or seen as the right thing to do, it becomes that much easier to do the next corrupt deed, and the next and the next. I guess that would explain the cameras set up to watch the employees, the blatant disregard for privacy, and management practices that I feel don't reinforce team work; rather promoting the everyone for themselves aura...It's true, however, that this is not fully the case. I got a lot of help during my past couple weeks. I realize i've been a pain asking questions to everyone, over and over again. Once you're trained, you hit the ground running, which is nice, i admit. keeps things from getting too monotonous.
I do get frustrated though. But the time really flies, and the hour commute to and from work doesn't really seem so bad. Gives me time to think, which i've always appreciated.

Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

2005-06-01T21:38:00.000-07:00

Been awhile since my last post. Seems like forever. Started the new job at the dating site. Second day there today. The difference between this place and the Exploratorium is like night and day. The hour drive to and from work also has a lot to do with it. It is going to be tough having a full day of work, driving for an hour, and then going to school for 4 more hours. I think "daunting" is the word.
I've come to the conclusion that for the most part, most of my job will involve very little personal interaction. I can't say for sure, but if today was any example, then that is what it is. First half of the day was training. Learning what to look for on websites, how to increase traffic and boost surfer flow to our website. I learned what a GpID and a SubID were. I learned what geo-targeted advertising was. I learned a lot, and my brain was pounding by 4pm.
The crappy burrito i had for lunch didn't help either. This is certainly going to be an adventure. For someone that has worked in the nonprofit world most of his life, the corporate dotcom dating realm is a totally different world.
I have to admit, I'm kind of nervous going down the path. I am really excited at all the things i'm going to learn, but coming home after talking with people over IM all day, and then having to sit down and write a paper is just not appealing. That two hours a day I spend in the car is also little irksome. I don't suppose they make my grad school text books on CD or downloadable MP3 files. I didn't think so.
I need to take a deep breath...

A Whipping

2005-05-05T10:03:00.000-07:00

This week has gone by really fast, but not without a few bumps. The bumps themselves are pretty big, and i've been feeling their presence all week. With the fundraising class almost done, plenty needs to be wrapped up. The individual project, which I presented last night, went well, i think, but it took a real effort to prepare it in time. Preparing the final document to turn in will also be a nice little challenge. I will see if I can do that today though. Maybe I should be doing that instead of writing this?
Then there is the group project. I have to admit I feel a little slower than the other people when it comes to the group project. We're working with a company I am not familiar with at all, and one of the girls in my group has a very clear idea of what she wants. Not having total comprehension of the specified part of the assignment, i know she feels like she's giving me all the answers. I will admit that my level of concentration concerning this project has been dwindling as so many other things are heaped upon me.
This weeked is going to be nuts. I have to write up the final exam questions, study the vocabulary AND staff an AZA event! I wish I could clonse myself sometimes. Maybe having another advisor wouldn't be such a bad idea.

End of Passover Celebration

2005-05-02T10:02:00.000-07:00

They call it a Mimuna. It is a Morrocan end of passover tradition. A massive party with sweet cakes and fluffy flat bread called Muflettas. Our friend Motti made them as he usually does, though this time the party was not at his house.
The food was incredible, especially the Muflettas. Spread with butter and sweet honey and folded over twice, it was heaven. There was plenty of other food too. Fresh strawberries, honey cakes, nuts, bizarre Middle Eastern sweets that i've never seen.
The main party was held in the living room, a room totally dominated by a massive HDTV and sound system. Loud Israeli music was blasting and people were playing along on a guitar and drums. I got some good pictures. I'll try to post them.
The party didn't last till the wee hours, as it was a Sunday night. People started leaving around 9:30pm. Again there were plenty of people there, the usual suspects. One woman and her daughter showed up, both stunning, and actually dressed the same. The mother had something written on her shirt. I asked her daughter (who was in 10th grade!) what her mother's shirt said. She said it said "Slightly Dramatic" then explained that she and her mother shared the same clothes! They both dressed super Israeli, tight pants, open toed high heeled sandals, lots of color, and make-up, etc. I guess I found it odd that the mother who must have been in her late 30s- early 40s (while attractive) still dressed like a 15 year old girl. I don't know how I would feel about that.

Waking Dreams-In the arms of sleep

2005-04-29T09:06:00.000-07:00

This morning, I didn't want to get out of bed. Again. It's been a hectic past 3 days. More stuff just keeps getting added to my plate. I got to bed pretty late last night, after an interesting conversation with a friend of mine.
Waking up this morning was bizarre. I was up, but not quiet. Dreaming, but awake. It seemed that everytime i opened my eyes i couldn't see. Everything was distorted. I remember even reaching out to the wall behind my bed thinking it was a mirror or something. It was like no matter where I looked I could only see the bottom of my field of vision, with pink, and greenish tints above where it would normally be black. It is like being in between sleep and awareness. Kind of odd.
Thank god it is Friday. I'm so ready for this weekend. Hopefully i'll hear back from Sagi or one of his colleagues and one less thing will be on my plate. In the meantime, i have to get some homework done for my fundraising class this weekend. God, i can't wait for vacation.

Trumping Mother Nature

2005-04-27T13:11:00.000-07:00

Funny how the radio works. Just when you come to an interesting conclusion in your life, the perfect song comes on the radio. I don't know what it is, but it is odd how things like that work out. I love little life changing moments like this. Something that originally seemed so disappointing really comes down to how i'm wired, and then it's not so diappointing anymore. You can't force it if it isn't right. Christ, I don't know how to write about this without being mean, ah well...i feel like i've got some pressure off my shoulders.

Passover

2005-04-25T10:49:00.000-07:00

Sister's boyfriend came over last night to the family passover seder. It went well. Wasn't nearly as awkward as I thought it might be. He's a nice guy. Ryan B was there too, which was nice. Haven't seen him in a long time. I got Allison a pink PUMA track suit. Now she'll be all blinged out.
Came home around 9:00pm and gave Shaul's friend Liz a call, just for fun. I know the girl is a headcase, but she is entertaining. She was over for dinner last night, but by the time I got home, she and Shaul's other friends had already left. I've seen her jerk Shaul around, and I don't think that's too fair. She is a big flirt and I know I can be too sometimes. It's like adding fuel to the fire. The girl has DRAMA written on her forehead, so as long as I keep that in mind, i'll be ok.
Me? I'm doing ok. Guess I'm feeling a little lonely today, too. That will go away though, it always does.

Speakers and Elections

2005-04-18T09:42:00.000-07:00

Finally, after 3 years of working at the Exploratorium and hearing about Modesto's famous speakers, I have built them and hooked them up to my system. They look homemade, and still need to be painted or varnished, or stained. The sound is incredible. I got to the Exploratorium shop at 9:30am on Sunday, and literally stayed in the shop until 2:30pm. The finished product was very satisfying, and when I hooked them up to my reciever at home, i could immediatley tell the difference. The sound was much richer than the RCA speakers I had hooked up, the ones I bought from the Surplus Computer store down in San Jose. All I can say is, is that the sounds is deep and bassey, all without a subwoofer. I'm very pleased.
Saturday night, before the little speaker workshop Modesto arranged, was of course, the Sam Beber chapter elections at Bryan Profis' house in Pacifica. Thanks to the twins (as I mentioned in a previous post) things got off to a late start, and they didn't end till about11:!5ish. The results were interesting, and again, I saw that the boys are willing to make sacrifices for the chapter. It was a full house with 10 people there. There were some admitted awkward moments like when Bryan was nominated for Godol, and you could see the look of worry and doubt on Mike's face. Bryan ended up being nominated for S'gan and won that, after going up against Jon.
All in all it was an eventful weekend. Hung out with Natalie D last night and saw a very inspiring film called Walk on Water. A Mossad agent goes undercover to find an old Nazi war criminal but has a few personal demons to deal with along the way. I was pretty impressed, i have to say.
To top the busy weekend off, I'm sick. It must have been hanging out with all the AZA guys who all seem to be sick, or maybe I caught it at work. I don't know, but I'm feeling a little under the weather right now. I did have some Korean ginseng tea though, and I can actually feel that coursing through my system. I'm becoming a big fan of that stuff.

Disappointment

2005-04-17T08:18:00.000-07:00

Words cannot describe my complete and total disappointment in the twins. Utterly. The chapter elections for Sam Beber were last night at 7pm. I get a call at 4:00 from Coleman's mother, one of the chapter's newest members, asking if I can give him a ride. Sure, no problem. Plenty of time, he can take the bus to my house and we'll go from there.
6:15pm last night, Ben calls me and asks for a ride too. Not only does he ask for a ride, oh no. He asks for a ride from his job in Forrest Hill, back to his house on 40th and Lawton, have me wait 20 minutes while he and his brother shower, and then take them to Pacifica for the meeting! Are you kidding me?! I tell him I can, but I'd be willing to pick them up at West Portal. He says he has to talk to his brother....Jon, in a classic move, calls me 15 minutes later asking the same exact thing. This is just as Coleman arrives.
I tell the other brother that I can't pick them up, take them home, and then wait for them to take them to Pacifica. I call them back at 6:40pm to find out what the deal is. I offered to pick them up at West Portal straight from work. They proceed to tell me they aren't going.
Long story short, they end up getting a ride from Bryan who was picking some people up in the city anyway.
This goes to show what poor planning skills to the twins have. I called their mom looking for them after it was established that we had found a ride for them. You could hear the disappointment in their mom's voice at their total lack of planning and common sense!
Ach, it's so frustrating sometimes!

And the worst part is..... I never learned to read!!!

2005-04-12T15:02:00.000-07:00

Well, got the rejection letter from the Jewish Coalition for Literacy today. They gave the job to one of the other candidates. I'm not really irritated by it, as I wasn't looking forward to the commute down to Los Altos and back. That would have been the problem along with the the low pay for such a long commute. But it does bother me, a lot, actually. I thought I was a shoe in for it. The Executive Director seemed to like me, and I knew one of the other people there! Arrrggh!
I still have the Emigre Youth position to look forward to. It is a better fit for me anyway. I've got my fingers crossed!

Booger

2005-04-08T16:08:00.000-07:00

Revenge of the Nerds. A classic film. Truly one that I could relate to, in a funny sort of way. Today, I had the occasion to meet Curtis Armstrong from the film AKA Booger! Truly a classic moment. The receptionist on the museum side informed the receptionst on the administrative side. She told me. I ran over to find him in the museum. I search the first floor, but found nothing, was disappointed, and gave up. As I was walking back to the Administrative offices, there he was in the parking lot..looking a lot older and grayer than when Revenge of the Nerds came out. I introduced myself, shook his hand, and chit chatted for a bit. He may not be the top A list actor, but Revenge of the Nerds is still a favorite and always will be...

Putain!!!

2005-04-07T16:09:00.000-07:00

Heard Goery swear today like I've never heard before. There is an hour or so before the end of the day, and he leaves early tomorrow for his month long trip to Brazil and Chile. The people in Chile have neglected to send him the name and contact information of his hotel. Needless to say we're both getting anxious.
I finally called them, not 10 minutes ago, and asked Marianela, the pretty sounding Jefa in the Departamento de ComunicacionesPrograma of EXPLORA - CONICYT and she was quite frustrated too, not having the information. She promised that the information would be sent within 30 minutes.
I hung up the phone with her and went to Goery and told him. In a massive expanse of air and irritation (not at me, thankfully) he yelled "Putain!". FUCK! And then asked what is wrong with these people. Classic.

Exhausted

2005-04-07T10:05:00.000-07:00

Two job interviews in as many days. Two days of wearing a suit. I'm tired. I could have used at least another hour in bed this morning.
The interviews on Tuesday and Wednesday both went well. Hopefully I'll be hearing back from both of the places by next week. One is more up my alley than the other, and it pays more too. Right after the second interview I zoomed over to school. It was an interesting evening, and I got to know one of my classmates a little better. I guess you could say we bonded over tostada salad...maybe not?
This week has been a long one, productive, but long, and i'm really glad it is almost over.
I'm glad the assigned paper for next week is only 3 pages. Writing our own personal Gospel of Wealth shouldn't be too tough. I like Carnegie's basic idea. Maybe i'll do something similar, though how I'll fit it into 3 pages I don't know.
Haven't been wearing my grandfather's Mason ring lately. I've been meaning to, but I just keep forgetting. I don't wear it for the interviews, though.
Maybe it's time for some nourishment from the vending machine?

The world as we know it.

2005-04-05T10:14:00.000-07:00

My mom just called with interesting news. The mother of a guy I went to Hebrew School with just died. I didn't know the family too well, and wasn't a big fan of the guy, but it's still a little shocking. Makes me realize how lucky I am to have my parents still be alive. I suppose I could have come to that conclusion earlier with Suzanne. What an impact that can have on someone.

2005-04-02T15:49:00.000-08:00

Something to be happy about

2005-04-02T15:48:00.000-08:00

My alter ego

Hot Pho

2005-04-02T15:38:00.000-08:00

I realize that in San Francisco cultres always intermingle. I was in a Vietnamese Restaurant today, Yummy Yummy, and as I sat there eating my Pho with my chopsticks, I faced two Philipino mailmen who were eating their Pho with forks. Interesting...

Only in San Francisco? Maybe Thailand

2005-04-02T08:55:00.000-08:00

Last night, for the first time, I saw quite a site. A crippled Asian transvestite. Wow.

Sold Out to the Age of the Internet

2005-04-01T11:26:00.000-08:00

Do I really have time for this? It seems that everyone and their mother has a blog, and i'm reading some reviews of some blogging sites, and here I am.
The past week has really summed up my life over the past month or two. After a long stint of clouds and rain, the sun has broken through and life is pretty damn good. A month ago I had a crazy amount of stuff on my plate. Breaking up with my girlfriend, papers to write for grad school, work, BBYO, sleeping problems.
Lately, I've been inspired. What has really inspired me the most is an unpublished book written by a guy who I have lunch with sometimes across the street from the Exploratorium at the little kiosk. Dr. Dave (Ichelson) was kind enough to let me borrow his memoires of life in the army, being a medic during WWII and life as a "dogface". It's really a good book for me in the sense of the perspective it comes from.
Dr. Dave was born and raised in San Francisco and Menlo Park. The son of a Jewish chicken farmer, he joined the army. His book comes from both the perspective of being Jewish in what was clearly a non-Jewish world, and someone who is learning a hell of a lot in a short amount of time while being in the army and fighting in France and Germany. It's exactly what I was looking for. A new perspective on the World War II and one with Jewish culture and history mixed in.
In some ways, I wish I was able to read a story like this about my mom's dad, who was also in the war. He served in England as a doctor, fixing up the people that made it back from France and Germany. Reading Doctor Dave's book has kind of bring me closer to my grandfather, the only one left alive now. It's an odd way of getting there, but I feel it has.